The Sanchez News Report

By: Yoko Sanchez

Editor’s note: Yoko’s views are HER OWN and do not reflect the views of CHEV Radio.

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SO ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER AMY WINEHOUSE TOUR CANCELLATION…AT THIS POINT, I’M SURPRISED HER FAMILY MEMBER’S DON’T HAVE HAVE HER ON LOCK DOWN. HER PRESS ANNOUNCEMENT SAID SHE WAS GOING TO REHAB BUT THAT’S BULLS***. IF SHE WAS MY FAMILY MEMEBER, I’D JUST GIVE HER A DULL KNIFE TO PLAY WITH.

SHE APPARENTLY JUST CAN’T SING WITHOUT HER DOUCHE BAG HUSBAND BLAKE EDWARDS SOMEWHERE IN THE F***ING ROOM…WHAT A
LOSER. ISN’T MARIA CALLAS EXAMPLE ENOUGH OF WHAT HAPPENS TO A WOMAN WHEN SHE GIVES UP HER TALENT FOR THE LOVE OF A MAN..
AMY’S HUSBAND ALLEGEDLY TRIED TO BRIBE INFORMANTS ON A CASE THAT WAS PENDING AGAINST HIM-AND GOT CAUGHT…WANKER. THROW THE BOOK AT THE BLOKE AND LET HIM GET F***** BY SOME OTHER HAIRY BRIT IN JAIL WITH TWO TEETH ..JUST LIKE HIS LITTLE LASSIE..AMY.
IT’S WOMEN LIKE THIS THAT I JUST WANT TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF..BUT ALAS…I WAS A STUPID 23 YEAR OLD MYSELF…FOLLOWING MY PIECE OF S*** MAN AROUND LIKE HE WAS FUCKING GOD-OF COARSE ONCE YOU DUMP HIM AND GET HIM OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM, HE ENDS UP GOING ALL PSYCHO ON YOU AND STALKING YOU FOR 7 YEARS…
ANYHOO…..I GIVE THIS CRAZY B**** ANOTHER TWO YEARS LIVING THE FAST LIFE TO STARDOM AND THEN, ALAS SHE WILL BE PUSHING DAISIES. TOO BAD. SHE HAD A GREAT VOICE.
IN OTHER NEWS….

A BRITISH TEACHER TEACHING IN SUDAN, WAS FIRED FOR NAMING A TEDDY BEAR AFTER THE NATIONS PROPHET, MOHAMMAD. APPARENTLY, SHE LET THE KIDS PICK A NAME AND THE MOST POPULAR WAS MOHAMMAD. NOW SHE COULD FACE 6 MONTHS IN JAIL AND 4O LASHES…..
QUITE FRANKLY, HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT IN A FUCKED UP COUNTRY LIKE -TO NOT EVER POINT TO OR NAME ANYTHING MOHAMED ..CUZ THE CRAZY RELIGIOUS FANATICS GO OFF AND LOSE THEIR S***! COULDN’T SHE HAVE NAMED THE F***ING STUFFED ANIMAL FOR F*** SAKES?!!!!

IT MAKES A GIRL NEVER WANT TO VOLUNTEER HER TEACHING SERVICES OUTSIDE OF THE COUNTRY….I’LL SIMPLY CONTINUE TO TEACH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TO THE NICE VIETNAMESE KIDS IN MY BASEMENT APARTMENT…I CHARGE THEM A WHOLESALE FEE. CHRONIC IS THE WORLD’S COMMODITY.
SOOOO….THE BIG NEWS IN DWTS FINALEEEESSS…

ELIO CASTRONEVESH-THE CELEBRATED INDIE RACE CAR DRIVER AND HIS HOT F***ING HOT LITTLE 18 YEAR OLD PARTNER WON THE COVETED GLITTER
YOU KNOW, I WATCHED THIS SHOW OFF AND ON OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS AND FOUND MYSELF ROOTING FOR MEL B. AND HER HOT STUD PARTNER MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY..

AND MS. MARIE OSMOND WENT HOME WITH THIRD PLACE AND A BAG OF DEPENDS..SHE SEEMED OBSESSED WITH ANNOUNCING HER AGE AND HER F***ING DOLL EMPIRE…I LIKED MARIE UNTIL SHE OPENED HER MOUTH( LIKE MOST WOMEN)…SHE SOUNDED LIKE A STUPID MORMON.
HEY, ISN’T THEIR A MORMON RUNNING FOR THE PRESIDENCY RIGHT NOW?

YEAH, HIS NAME IS BORAK OBAMA AND HE’S GOT THE MOST POWERFUL WOMAN ON THE PLANET ENDORSING HIS A**…..MISS OPRAH F****** WINFREY…AND HER BIG OLE’ VAJAYJAY. I PREDICT THAT BLACK JESUS CAN COME DOWN HIMSELF AND TELL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT BORAK WILL LEAD THEM OUT OF POVERTY..FREE THEM OF HEALTH CARE DEBTS AND GIVE THEM ALL A GUN TO WALK AROUND WITH AND THEY STILL WON’T VOTE A BLACK MAN INTO OFFICE. NOPE. THEY’LL EITHER PICK SOME ACTOR FROM LAW AND ORDER OR A WOMAN. WELL, IF YOUR GOING TO PICK A WOMAN, AT LEAST PICK ONE WITH BALLS…AND HILARY HAS GOT THEM ALRIGHT.

I GOT WET WATCHING HER SHAKE HER STICK AT ALL THE REST OF THE F*** HEADS ON THE DEMOCRATIC DEBATE.